Wednesday, July 29, 2009{ Wednesday, July 29, 2009 }
8:14pm , 29th july 2009.
The feeling really hurts .
I canceled every plan i had today just to go somewhere after school , I made my whole day free. In the end , it was of no use , the person whom i had canceled everything for , canceled on me. & the best thing was the person canceled on me when i was already on my way to sembawang. Maybe it was because i asked a friend along ? , the person called last minute and canceled , i was totally of mood after that , me and idah went to sembawang to meet her friend. After awhile we left , went back home . I met pamela and i was totally hurt and disturbed. It`s not i care that i got stood up or basted , it`s the person who did it . I don`t know why you did it , but you can keep it . I thought you were different , i thought u would never hurt me , but thank you (:
Thanks A.pal ( did not forget you) , for being there , you are such a darling. hahaks , partner in crime. Yeaps , that`s all . Goodnights.
& guess it`s back to my old days.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009{ Tuesday, July 28, 2009 }
28th july 2009. 9:30am.
It`s really good to hear your voice , saying my name it sounds so sweet ; coming for an lips of an angel , hearing those words it makes me weak. And i never want to say goodbye but boy you make it hard to be faithful ; with a lips of an angel.
Meows ! Back to blogging , i am in fnn class ( as usual) , hahas bored . Everyone`s doing their coursework. I am like doing my own thing , was looking at bitchy quotes and everything. Here`s one i liked ; I am not anti social , i just dont like you, (: . Free period is next , First period was mr.shahari , wth , answer question also never layan . Like for once i start to answer and no one wants to support , i give up , very irritating.
Khairul and Hannah are on the same table , hannah is on twitter ( idk how to use even though i also have) , khairul is writting his name on his coursework , on every page. HAHA.
Anand raj , is an idiot cause he was suppose to call me at 10:30 but one hour later then he called , but i already fell asleep ( very tired , he knows) . Not planning on going remedial today , so i guess will be going home early today ? hahas , goodgirl sharen , Punjabi prelim is this saturday , i am abit scared but i have confidence in myself , yaaay me (:
Aites i am done for today. I have updated yay !
Friday, July 10, 2009{ Friday, July 10, 2009 }
10:03 PM , 10TH JULY 2009.
A thousand words,
But none were spoken.
Guess there's nothing left to say.
Another thing just broken.
I guess things just turn out that way.
My hands shake because today
I know you're gonna break my heart,
& my life without you in it
Is a life that's not worth living.
I'll be strong, but I wish I was someone else Anyone but me tonight.
I'll stand in the light So you can count how many tears fall from my eyes This time I'll be alright My heart can't get any worse
I hope you choke on every word you spoke when you were screaming at me And realize how many times I've tried, but that's wishful thinking
All I want is an apology for what you did and how you treated me Get me far away, or at least as far as this car will take me
And I can`t deny your eyes
You know I try to read between the lines
I saw a warning sign And then you threw me up against the wall Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all.
My feelings are like how the above post is.
i should stop
fessing about the past and start living everyday like there is no tomorrow. Kya pata , khal ho na ho. Haiya , i`m like a emoshit lah .
Jordan got suspended because he and firdaus fought , it isnt even jordan`s fault. Aww jordan , hope you`ll join us soon , and dont fight anymore la ! See , when i was with you guys , i stopped you all from killing each other , as soon as you all went for mother tongue class , you started your nonsense . Jordan , NEXT TIME LISTEN TO ME ! and dont give me your idiotic heh face. (:
I aaam really proud of khai ! , he has started to atleast study abit , oh and we got our class t-shirts tday , pink! , nice uh. There is punjabi school tomorrow , ppl you all better come.
Nights.
With that , i am off.
goodbye.
I never thought we would get this close ; but now that we are you`r as sweet as a rose.
He has always been a very good friend ; i will never want to do anything to offend.
He always puts a smile on my face ; if there`s something i love ; it`s his grace.
Anand raj is his name ; i will never forget the day he came (:
Wednesday, July 08, 2009{ Wednesday, July 08, 2009 }
10:05PM , JULY 8 2009. Wednesday.
Michael Jackson. 1958-2009. I know everyone is like oh , i miss you , oh i am so sad , why did you have to go , they are very sad for the loss of Michael jackson , even i am but when he was alive , Mostly everyone criticized him , I admit i`m not the biggest of his fans or anything , but watching him get insulted and accused of being something he is not was really hurtful , and yet there are some people who say i miss you and all when they were insulting him when he was alive . I know why bother ? ; but it is really irritating that a person is only appreciated when they are gone , I hate it. In any case , Rest in peace michael jackson , you were really awesome ; and i mean it (: Michael Jackson Favourite song - smile. ( Sang by Charlie chaplin). Smile
tho' your heart is aching, Smile Even though it's breaking, When there are clouds in the sky- You'll get by, If you Smile through your fear and sorrow, Smile and maybe tomorrow You'll see the sun come shining through- For you. Light up your face with gladness, Hide ev'ry trace of sadness, Altho' a tear may be ever so near, That's the time you must keep on trying, Smile- What's the use of crying, You'll find that life is still worthwhile, If you just smile.
Alright back to sharen`s life. I am itching alot , i pray hard that pam didn`t spread her rashes to me , having rashes is extremely irritating , haks if i have rashes guess she and i can go see the doctor together HAHA. Yeah so brother came home he asked me to buy him coke -.- Go all the way to the shop to buy COKE ! . This time he emphasised and said i want the big bottle ah sharen, BIG BOTTLE not the can ( cause the last time i bought can instead) , so i called pam , ask her follow me . Brother gave 5 dollars , 2 dollar coke , 1.50 KINDERBUENO ! i used his money for my needs :P I went home , went to the toilet to wash my leg , i came out and my brother had already opened my chocolate packet =( haks , i studied maths and physics today. I think my physics class is the bomb luh , all the havocs in one class. Wonder who will go remedial , i aint going this friday , got tution (:
& i wanted to say , sorry anand for the stupid msg i sent you. tssk , haks yeah ! With that said , goodnights !
; No matter what you say about love , i keep coming back for more. Keep my hand in the fire sooner or later i get what i`m asking for. No matter what you say about life , i learn everytime i bleed. The truth is a stranger , soul is in danger ; i gotta let my spirit be free to admit that i`m wrong and then change my mind. Sorry but i have to move on and leave you behind. i loved you once ; needed protection , you`r still a part of everything i do & you`r on my heart just like a tatoo.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009{ Tuesday, July 07, 2009 }
10.52 pm , 7th july 2009.
Alright so stayed back in school for Maths Mock exam , totally difficult. Get ready to fail sharen. Sighs , i have totally slacked off again , i really need to continue studying , tuition is not enough . Okay , i sound totally geeky and like a nerd -.- Nevermind , 2 months be nerd is okay ! hahaks. So yeah , got back home at 4.30 put my back and went down to meet paam ! Slacked with her for awhile , then made fun of some people ( haha) , then she came over , after that jas also came over to my place , brother came home and he disturbed them like usual . They then followed me sheng shion (: Pam didnt cause she had rashes and wanted to go doctor , in the end she also never go , TSK ! jas stayed at my place till 8pm , she and my brother were talking crap , bitching ( tsk ! ) , i was like walking around the house , calling mom and dad asking where they were. Dad went out , he still isn`t back , the working life seems so easy , after work , just go out. Mom also. Sighs , i want to get this N lvls done and over with , after that it`s canada ! Tsk , i just finished doing my FNN coursework which is due tomorrow , so last minute i know ! I`m totally shagged luh . Btw , C is for cookie caur (: Aite , with that said. Bye , nights (:
; and all the wants & and all the needs , all i don`t want to need at all. Maybe it`s best you leave me alone , a weight is lifted on this evening , i give the final blow. Now you`r the first to know ; When darkness turns to light , it ends tonight.
Monday, July 06, 2009{ Monday, July 06, 2009 }
9:18pm , july 6th 2009.
Heyya , i`m back to updating every day , cause people get bored reading my old posts over and over again. Hahks , so i didn`t go tution today , i was sick , sleeping in bed. i was online till 5 plus am ? , yeah slept till 2pm . ahhas. Daddy was suppose to come home and bring me doctor , but he did not ! Had to go doctor with my maid , haks. Doctor said , sharen dont walk and talk so much okay , later have problems breathing again. Hahas , i am really tired.
Many say they see pain in my posts. Is my life really that bad? gosh , i sound so emo. I`m only 16 and i`m talking about all this , tssk. I have to start being happy. Anyways , anand its really nice having you around. You have been an awesome friend , thanks for all the advices you have given me (: Don`t worry , i wont ditch a friend like you , haha not my style. It`s hard to say thanks alone cause you`r advices have really helped me. hahas, tssk ! i`m going to put up my elmo picture. Hahas, oh and people if you wanna see who anand is ?; too bad ! i wont put his picture up. To a new friendship anand ; cheers (: You`r the best ELMO (: LAN KACHANG , harhar. Goodnight all ! Guess i`m going school tomorrow, SIGHS. GOT MC SIOLX.
& I`ll be better off this way ; i know i will. You said you`d never leave , you said many things in the past , but you never ever kept to one of them. say something nice , say something sweet but don`t say you loved me ; cause i`m still breathing.
i leave the gas on walk the allies in the dark .
Sunday, July 05, 2009{ Sunday, July 05, 2009 }
10.34pm. Sunday , 5th julyy 2009.
There is no school tomorrow , yaay .
Thank youth day , Maybe even if there was school i wouldnt be going also.
I`m sick , again . This is the first time it`s very bad , even the inhaler isnt helping .
It`s very hard to breathe , i can hear myself breathing , the wheezing sound . I keep coughing , do you know what its like to be in this condition ? It sucks aite , so freaking hard to breathe , i feel uncomfortable , no medicine seems to be helping also.
Gosh , had maath tution today , Tomorrow will be waking up , going to the doctor with daddy , then go for punjabi tution , then in the night go cut hair (:
If you were to walk into my heart one day
you would surely cry, cause you`d see a heart filled with you only.
And so will i cry when i walk into your heart..
Cause i can`t even see a trace of me left behind.
Goodnight.
With love,
sharen caur.
Saturday, July 04, 2009{ Saturday, July 04, 2009 }
8.38 July 4th 2009.
My last post was in anger , alot has been happening .
I don`t wish to say what .
To gain something , you must lose something.
I gained something after loosing something , but i now lost what i gained and really hate it.
I hate going through all this stuff.
Gone through it so many times and yet i`m still so weak.
They say you`ll become stronger after getting hurt.
I got hurt too many times and i`m still weak.
On the happy note ,
i`m really proud of myself.
i`m paying attention in classes.
I did all my maths homework and handed it in.
I answer questions in mr.lee`s class.
i`ve made a time table on when i`m studying.
i`ve been occupying myself with tutions on my free days.
HAHA. guess i rlly need to prove people i can do it.
Sighs , it`s gonna be hard.
Save me , someone.
If only it was easy to forget and move on from everything that has been happening.
I admit it`s my fault , but if i can take the blame why can`t you?
It`s not entirely my fault and i`m sure you know that too.
One day , i`ll rise . i`ll be strong , and when i look back , i`d realize what a fool i was.
For now , i have never regretted knowing you , never did and never will .
You`ll always be a dear one to me , no matter how rude your words are ; i know you do care.
Even though u are busy ; you do care , i know you do.
You always push the ones who love you away afraid you`d fall for em.
Don`t be afraid ; cause i ain`t leaving. But i don`t know how to come back already.
After telling you off , if i return you`d be thinking hah , i knew she couldn`t last.
I want to show u i can, and you mean nothing. Putting up a fake smile will be hard ; but i have to do it.
To show you , that atleast one girl is diffrent. Poems after poems , it`s the only way i can express my feelings.
Hahks , Guess you can`t bother also.
Your busy life is more important to you.
But one day , you`ll be sorry that i`m no longer around.
Here`s something i wrote ;
All i ever wanted
was for you to look at me.
by the eye , and not whoever i am outside.
i hope it wasn't the looks,
nor that content of my purse.
i hope it was really me you wanted;
its you i need in my life
and i don't want you to go.
i can't live without you
and that i really need a you to stay by me.
I'm sorry I'm just demanding so much,
but really ; i need you.
the imperfections , healed with you.
Another one ;
late at night
i dreamt that you took my hand
and held it tight.
we walked by the beach
with the tides up high
hoping the sun will never rise.
Everything went well
till suddenly it became like hell
you told me all the lies
and saw the tears
that filled up my eyes
you broke my heart
Without a second glance
made my life so meaningless
but i'll nvr forget
the time we used to have
when you were my everything
when i realized it's all just a fantasy
i stopped thinking about you and me.
when things go wrong
i have to be strong
not going to wallow in self pity
I am going to be strong
It`s the only thing left to do , and the only thing I can do.
And the last ;
In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.
The right song for me now ;
Enjoy.
INA - FALL.
I gave you all you desired
All that you needed
Boy, I provided
I let you into my head
Into my bed
And that's a privilege
I had your back at the answers
You took the dollars
I took the chances
Defended, battled and fought
Cuz I thought you really loved me
I don't know where to start or where to stop
No, but I know I am done
I've had enough
So fall out of my hands
Out of my heart
And when you hit the ground
You'll be sorry that I'm not around
I will watch you
And you fall out of your mind
Out of your fantasy
When you hit the wall
Think of me
I'll be on the top just watching you fall
You said that you were the strong one
I was the girl
And I was the young one
I kept your feet on the ground
My head in the rounds I had you
You told me you were so grateful
I was with you
And I was so faithful
Stood by in all that you said
And all that you did
I loved you
I don't know how to act or what to say
But I know I am good
I'll be okay
And you fall out of my hands
Out of my heart
And when you hit the ground
You'll be sorry that I'm not around
I will watch you
And you fall out of your mind
Out of your fantasy
When you hit the wall
Think of me
I'll be on the top just watching you fall
I'll be on the top just watching you fall
So fall out of my hands
Out of my heart
And when you hit the ground
You'll be sorry that I'm not around
I will watch you
And you fall out of your mind
Out of your fantasy
When you hit the wall
Think of me
I'll be on the top just watching you fall
I'll be on the top just watching you fall.
10.34pm.